I’ve been working through a lot of fear lately. A lot of anger. A lot of unworthiness, guilt, and shame. Deep pains I’ve been terrified to face things I’ve avoided for a long time because I didn’t know how to hold them. And instead of running like I usually do… I’ve been sitting in the fire of my emotions and just letting them be.
At first, it was so hard. It felt like if I let myself feel any of it, I would be consumed. Like the emotions of my soul would swallow me whole and I wouldn’t know how to come back. The intensity at first was so overwhelming. My body would react before my mind even had time to make sense of it. Tight chest. Racing thoughts. That familiar urge to distract, to numb, to escape a lingering discomfort and anxiety i couldnt place my finger on.
But after working through so many layers of these emotions, I’ve finally reached a point where I can sit with them without being consumed by them. And that has been everything for me.
Because now I’m learning how to reframe the way I interact with my fears.
When an uncomfortable emotion starts to rise, I don’t immediately label it as “bad.” I don’t panic. I don’t push it down. I welcome it I breathe And I imagine it sitting next to me.
I literally talk to it.
I ask it:
What do you need right now?
What are you trying to show me?
What are you protecting me from?
What would help you feel safe enough to pass through me instead of comsuming me?
I don’t run away. I don’t fight it. I just… befriend it…..
And when I say “befriend it,” I don’t mean I suddenly enjoy the feeling. I mean I stop treating it like an enemy. I stop acting like it’s here to ruin me. I start treating it like a messenger… a scared part of me that’s showing up for a reason.
Sometimes I can feel it in my body before I even know what it is. A tightness. A heaviness. A subtle anxiety. And instead of instantly trying to distract myself running away, I pause and I stay. I put my hand on my chest. I slow down my breathing. I remind myself: This is a feeling. It is not a prophecy. It is not permanent. It is information.
And then I get curious.
Because fear always has a story. And usually… it’s an old story.
Sometimes the fear is trying to protect me from being abandoned again.
Sometimes it’s trying to protect me from being disappointed again.
Sometimes it’s trying to protect me from being seen, because being seen used to feel unsafe.
And when I listen closely, I can tell that a lot of these fears aren’t coming from the “adult” me. They’re coming from the younger parts of me the parts that learned to stay small, to stay quiet, to stay alert. The parts that never got to feel safe enough to relax.
So I meet them like I would meet a child.
I don’t shame them. I don’t yell at them. I don’t tell them to shut up.
I sit beside them.
And sometimes I literally say, out loud or in my mind: “I see you.” “I know you’re scared.” “Thank you for trying to protect me.” “But you don’t have to do this alone anymore.”
And when I ask, “What do you need to feel safe?” the answers are often simple… but powerful.
Sometimes it needs rest.
Sometimes it needs a boundary.
Sometimes it needs to cry.
Sometimes it needs to be held.
Sometimes it needs reassurance.
Sometimes it needs me to stop abandoning myself.
And when I give it what it needs when I actually show up the fear softens. Not always instantly but I can feel it shift. I trust myself a little more. My inner self doesn’t have to scream to be heard anymore because i am present.
Because that’s what happens when you stop resisting yourself.
The emotion doesn’t have to get louder. It doesn’t have to consume you. It doesn’t have to run the whole show.
It can simply rise… be witnessed… and move through.
And over time, this practice has given me something I didn’t have before: inner stability.
Not because I never feel fear. But because I trust myself to meet it. And that trust…is everything.
It feels like I’m learning how to stay. How to sit with myself. How to create safety from the inside out instead of always trying to find it outside of myself.
And that’s a huge shift for me, because for so long I thought safety would come from the right relationship, the right validation, the right moment where everything finally felt “safe.” But I’m realizing safety isn’t something I chase. It’s something I have to build. Something I have to practice. Something I have to offer to myself again and again especially on the days when I feel like I’m falling apart.
And the more I do that, the more I realize… my fears were never trying to destroy me. They arent here to ruin my life or keep me stuck. They are trying to protect me… by using old strategies, old survival patterns, the only way they knew how.
They were the alarm system that got overly sensitive. The guard dog that learned to bark at everything.
This journey has been a long road of self-discovery and healing. And I’m still on it. I’m still learning. I’m still unraveling things layer by layer. Some days feel like breakthroughs… and some days feel like I’m right back in the same emotional patterns. But even on the hard days, something is different now.
Its different because I’m not abandoning myself the way I used to.
I’m learning how to stay present. How to breathe through the intensity. How to hold my own hand through it. How to whisper, “I’m here,” even when every part of me wants to run and hide.
Because they were never the enemy. They were never broken beyond repair. They were just carrying pain. They were just waiting to be seen. They were just waiting to be held.
So if you can relate to the words in this article if you made it this far then you already know how hard the healing journey can be. How difficult it is to change, to heal, to rewire subconscious programming. Because so much of what we do isn’t even conscious it’s automatic. It’s the patterns we learned to survive. It’s the ways we adapted. It’s the coping mechanisms we built when we didn’t have the tools, the language, or the safety to process what was happening.
And if you’re on this same journey and you’re struggling, I want to speak to you directly for a moment.
I salute you. I see you. And I know, from the bottom of my heart, how difficult it can be.
I know what it’s like to feel, with deep certainty, that the life you’re living isn’t the life you truly want or deserve. To look in the mirror and see yourself exactly as you are right now… and at the same time realizing all the things you know you need to heal, unlearn, and change in order to live a beautiful life that feels true to you.
And I salute you because so many people choose to stay where they are. They choose comfort over growth they choose what’s familiar. But you… you’re choosing to evolve. And that takes courage more courage than most people will ever understand.
I’ve been through so many ups and downs on this journey. I’ve questioned everything. I’ve had moments of breakthrough and moments of collapse. But I can say, without a shadow of a doubt: all of it has been worth it. The struggle. The pain. The joy. The realizations. The small wins no one sees. The days you chose to keep going when it would’ve been easier to give up.
Some days will feel like progress. Some days it will feel like you’re back at the beginning. Some days you will feel so proud of yourself. And some days you will just be trying to make it through the day without falling apart.
But I urge you keep going. Let these words be the confirmation you need, a gentle reminder that you are on the right path… even if it’s slow. Even if it’s messy. Continue to show up for yourself. Continue to meet yourself exactly where you are. continue to be real. continue to be authentic.
Accept every part of you, even the parts that feel messy. Be compassionate with yourself. And keep loving yourself through it all.
Because you are doing something powerful when you choose to face yourself with honesty. You are doing something brave when you decide to break cycles that were just handed to you. You are doing something sacred when you keep returning to yourself again and again no matter how many times you’ve wanted to run or give up.
You are so much more capable than you think. And you are stronger than you feel in the moments you’re doubting yourself.
So I’ll leave you with this: Maybe that’s what healing really is. Not becoming someone with no fear… but becoming someone who knows how to love themselves through it all.
Befriend yourself. Befriend your fears. Sit in the fire of your soul’s emotions without running, without hiding and let them move through you.
And watch yourself be transformed… again and again.
With Deep Love
Deeana
“Everything you want is on the other side of fear.”
