I’ve been through many different trials and tribulations in my life. And it’s wild to think that when I was homeless, that’s when the idea of meditation was first planted in my mind. At the time, I had no idea what that seed would grow into. I had no idea how deeply it would shape me or how much it would support me later on.
Looking back now, it feels remarkable. Almost surreal.
It’s amazing how life unfolds in ways we cannot predict. How certain moments that seem small or insignificant at the time end up becoming turning points. That quote from Steve Jobs about not being able to connect the dots looking forward, only looking back, feels so true to me. When you’re in the middle of it, sometimes nothing makes sense but things have a way of revealing the design.
Meditation was one of those dots for me.
So join me as I share what meditation truly means to me.
Meditation is meeting my fears with awareness instead of running from them.
It is choosing to stay when every part of me wants to RUN Its choosing to sit with the discomfort its choosing to feel what rises without immediately trying to fix it.
Meditation is breathing through my fears its staying present with what is here.
It is learning that fear does not disappear when I avoid it.. it softens when I face it when I shine awareness to it when I let my breath anchor me as the waves of emotions flow through me
Meditation teaches me that I am stronger than the fear. That I can witness it without becoming it that I can breathe through it.
Meditation is slowly discovering who I am beneath the noise beneath the expectations beneath the fear
beneath the constant mental chatter that tries to define me. Beneath the lies i tell myself.
It is gently peeling back the layers I picked up along the way the roles the labels the survival patterns the stories I once believed were my identity.
In the quiet, I begin to notice there is something deeper something untouched by the chaos of my thoughts.
Meditation allows me to uncover the TRUTH of who I am.
Not who I was told to be not who I felt I had to become buut who I have always been underneath it all.
And that discovery is both humbling and freeing.
Meditation is coming face to face with all that I am & not just the calm parts.
But the messy wild dark chaotic parts.
The insecure parts the fearful parts.
The parts that are still learning how to heal.
It is sitting with myself without editing the experience, it invites me to see and look at myself fully.
The light the shadow.
The strength the softness.
The version of me that feels steady and the version that feels uncertain.
And instead of judging any of it, I learn to hold it in awareness i say I SEE YOU you too are a part of me you too deserve compassion you too are allowed to exist in this space.
It is about embracing all that I already am, and allowing healing to unfold from that honest place.
Meditation is developing awareness of the thoughts that shape my inner world.
It is noticing the patterns the doubts the assumptions the automatic narratives that run in the background of my mind. Thoughts that once felt like absolute truths start to reveal themselves as just that thoughts.
Meditation teaches me to watch them rise without immediately believing them. To see how these thoughts can spark emotion how it can tighten my chest how it can color my entire perception And instead of getting swept away, I stay present.
I watch them rise I watch them pass like clouds drifting across the sky like waves rolling in and out.
Some are heavy.
Some are fleeting.
But none of them are me.
Through meditation, I learn that I am the awareness behind the thoughts not the storm itself. And that space between observing and reacting i have learned is where my freedom lives.
Meditation is sitting with myself long enough to truly listen. Staying long enough to hear my breath to feel the rhythm of it moving in and out to notice the subtle tension in my body the tightness in my shoulders or the softness in my chest.
Meditation is listening beyond the surface.
Its listening to what my body has been holding onto.
Its listening to the emotions I’ve been running from.
Its Listening to what my heart has been trying to say all along.
Sometimes its a whisper.
Sometimes its andeep ache a deep pain.
Sometimes it simply wants to just be acknowledged.
And through the stillness, I am finally able to listen to hear to see myself.
Meditation gives me the space to respond with care instead of reaction to meet myself with presence and openessness instead of pressure to finally listen to the parts of me that have been waiting patiently to be heard.
Meditation is the courage to be present with what I feel. For so long, I ran I ran from discomfort I ran from grief I ran from fear I ran from the parts of myself that felt too heavy to face.
Distraction myself has always been easier.
Avoidance has always felt safer.
Staying busy meant that I didn’t have to sit with the discomfort of my emotions.
But through meditation i am called to rise i am called to do something different.
Meditation asks me to stay to sit with the tightness in my chest to allow the tears when they rise to feel the discomfort to feel the pain to feel the anger to feel it all without immediately trying to run.
I go deep even when it’s uncomfortable.
I go deep even when it exposes old wounds.
I go deep even when it asks me to grow beyond who I’ve been.
Meditation is choosing presence Stillness & Awareness over avoidance.
It is the quiet bravery of saying, I am willing to feel this. I can do this Its okay to be here, and in this willingness, i begin to shift.
Because growth does not come from running.
It comes from staying long enough to transform.
Meditation is learning that awareness itself can be deeply healing that awareness is a superpower.
You cannot change what you are not aware of you cannot heal what you refuse to look at. The moment I begin to notice a pattern, a old wound, a fear… something starts to shift inside me. The awareness alone brings it into concious light and it starts to loosen its grip.
Meditation teaches me to see.
To see the fear without becoming it.
To see the insecurity without letting it define me.
To see the old habits without shaming myself for them.
And instead of attacking what I find, I soften into awareness. I give myself the space to simply observe without judgment. I allow space around what once felt overwhelming. I befriend myself, i love myself.
There is something profoundly healing about simply being conscious of what is happening inside me.
Awareness creates space space creates choice and that choice through my awareness is where my power lives.
Meditation is choosing presence again and again when my mind wants to wander.
I have learned through meditation that my mind is always moving.. living in the memories of the past or anxiously worrying and trying to predict the future. For so long, I just followed them everywhere they went without realizing I had a choice.
Meditation is where I practice that choice. Every time my attention drifts, I notice it through awareness and guide myself back.
I am guided Back to my breath back to my body back to the present moment again and again. I am learning to control my mind. I am learning to stregthen my ability to focus, my ability to redirect my energy, my ability to choose where my awareness lives.
That, to me, is strength. Meditation is the quiet discipline of coming back to now. Of training my awareness like a muscle. The more I practice, the steadier I become. The more I return, the more present I feel in my own life.
I guide my awareness back to now And in doing so, I reclaim my power.
Meditation is remembering that I have the power to observe my thoughts instead of becoming them.
For so long, I didn’t realize there was a difference. A thought would appear & I would immediately identify with it. If my mind said I wasn’t good enough, I believed it If my mind said I was a failure, i was one. If it replayed something painful, I relived it fully.
Meditation has shown me another way.
I can watch a thought arise without attaching to it. I can notice the story forming without stepping inside of it. I can feel the emotion it brings without letting it take over my entire sense of self.
There is space between me and my thoughts & that space is powerful.
I remember that my thoughts do not define me. They are passing mental clouds in the corner of my mind. They are weather patterns moving across the sky of my awareness. Some are stormy. Some are light. Some barely linger at all but none of them are who I am.
I am the awareness behind them & the more I practice remembering that, the freer I feel.
Meditation is returning to myself with honesty and compassion. It is coming home to my inner world without judgment.
Meditation invites me to be honest about what is actually there the tension the fear the sadness the grief the same the joy the confusion the growth. Instead of pushing it away or trying to polish it into something more acceptable, I allow it to exist.
I meet it with compassion & understanding.
I soften where I used to harden.
I listen where I used to react.
I offer myself understanding instead of shame.
Meditation teaches me that I can hold space for myself the way I would for someone I love. I meet my inner world with patience curiosity & care.
And in doing that, in that awareness something begins to shift inside myself.
I realize that what I have needed the most was compassion & love.
And now I want to know…
What does meditation mean to you?
What has meditation shifted, or awakened within you?
Has it helped you find inner peace in the chaos?
Has it brought you face to face with parts of yourself you were ready to heal or maybe not ready to heal?
Has it given you strength you didn’t know you had?
I truly would love to hear your experience. Your story might be exactly what someone else needs to read today. There is so much power in speaking about what has helped us grow. There is so much healing in realizing we are not walking this path alone because you arent i am right here with you.
Meditation looks different for all of us but i believe the intentions are similar. We meditate to come home to ourselves, to grow to become more aware, to connect to something greater, to be more grouded in this world.
If you are on this journey, I see you. Keep going. Keep showing up. Even when you feel like giving up, even when it feels messy chaotic or confusion. Every moment of awareness matters on your journey.
With love,
Deeana 🤍
Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.
Thich Nhat Hang
